I'll take the stomach flu.

It has been a hard 10 days, filled with stomach flu. First Rich and Hailey, then Abby and myself and now Aidan., expecting the rest to come down with it shortly.
Top that with just plain life "stuff" and of course One Small Wish, my days are way too short and responsibilities way high.
I was overwhelmed today wondering where to start my cleaning when I got an EM from a family I helped. They asked for Medical gifts for their 10 yr old son Richard. They have 2 other sons, Joshua and Michael, who have Mitochondria disease, and their finances are VERY bad. They are even a couple of months behind on mortgage payments. :(
Well, yesterday, their 4th son, 4 mo old, suddenly died... may be SIDS or may be he had the same disease. I am devastated for them. I do not understand how this family can cope with more tragedy. This death was totally unexpected and of course they are beyond words. If you want to visit their Caring Bridge site, please go to http//www.caringbridge.org/visit/joshuagarman/journal. They can use our prayers.

I'll take the stomach flu. :(

What are you on?

I have been asked this a bazillion times. People ask me what drug I am on and if they can have some. My answer is always the same...not on anything , but maybe I should be? (LOL)
Last night I figured it out. After forgetting the 20th call I was supposed to make and just shrugging it off, I realized...it's that chemo brain! If anyone says something stupid or something bad happens, it leaves my brain too soon after it enters!
That's it! My chemo brain! Ahhh, the side effects. Gotta love them!

Now what was I saying?

Smiling through chemo brain

One of the wonderful side effects of surviving cancer was that I will forever live with chemo brain. Certain functions of the brain never regenerate and you are left with terrible short term memory. Some days this bothers me to the full extent, as I used to be a quasi smart person, but some days I find it a benefit. After all, when you forget a party, someones name or something trivial like paying bills, you can always blame it on the chemo.... It's the gift that keeps on giving.
At night, while lying in bed going over the details of the day and planning for another glorious day, I think of things I want to blog about, but they quickly leave my mind forever when I fall asleep.

The one thing I have been wanting to journal is that I feel fulfilled. Overwhelmed but immensely happy. I am truly surrounded by love, joy, generousness and hope. I feel like I am not only the luckiest woman alive to be alive, but have these amazing kids that show me what life is really about. My husband is amazing. I am so loved and cherished by him and i know it every minute of every day. The situation with Hailey is really good. We have her half the week, and sometimes more when the bio dad doesn't feel like parenting (seems to happen more and more...) We have a beautiful house filled with contentment and immense love. My friends ROCK. They say if you have 1 truly good friend you are blessed, well, that makes me one incredibly blessed woman! My mom is doing well. She is still grieving fiercely but being the strong woman she is, she is holding on with full force. Words cannot describe how I look up to how she handled her husbands illness and death. With faith, grace, determination and optimism, even after he passed. (Mom, you are the BEST, I hope to always handle bad times like Grandma and you always have.)
To top it all off, I feel I have been given a chance to do Gods work with our organization One Small Wish . I will not say it is easy. The time and effort it takes to feed and clothe families in need is tremendous. Some days I wonder how I can keep doing it, but then my heart overflows with gratitude when someone walks away with a bag full of food and clothes and tears of hope.



I'll take the chemo brain. I got LIFE. With every day I know my cancer may come back and while that thought is mighty scary, I know every breath I take is a gift, but my heart is happy and fulfilled.

Alas, if I don't remember your name, please forgive me. If my bills are late, don't be surprised.

But, if you see me having a down day, feel free to give me a swift kick in the rear. I am sure not to remember why it happened and smile again. :)

Busy, busy, busy!

Of course, starting the post with many prayers to the people of Haiti. Like everyone, I am so sickened by their devastation. I have donated to 90999 more times than I care to mention (ouch on my next phone bill!) but it is the least I can do. Sigh. :(

Today we are actually going to be staying home doing our own house things that are have been put aside for the last few weeks, but tomorrow starts a busy week! We are traveling to a family that needs all baby items for their baby boy. The story will be on my BLOG .

I am so excited right now, because a wonderful woman I know, Katryce, runs a bi yearly consignment sale around here. It is HUGE and she always donates all the leftover items when the sale is done. She and I have corresponded and she agreed to give us some of the donations when it is over for One Small Wish ! Very exciting !!
If you live in NJ, this is the sale you don't want to miss! New 2 You Kids .

I find this work has taken every last minute that I had to spare (ha!) and I love it. I truly feel so fulfilled and lucky to be able to help people in my area. I also feel so lucky to know so many amazing friends who have stepped up and want to help in any way they can.

God provides.
Life is GOOD!
God bless!

This is just AMAZING!!

This video shows the winner of " Ukraine’s Got Talent", Kseniya Simonova, 24, drawing a series of pictures on an illuminated sand table showing how ordinary people were affected by the German invasion during World War II.
Her talent, which admittedly is a strange one, is mesmeric to watch.The images, projected onto a large screen, moved many in the audience to tears and she won the top prize of about $130,000.00.
She begins by creating a scene showing a couple sitting holding hands on a bench under a starry sky, but then warplanes appear and the happy scene is obliterated. It is replaced by a woman’s face crying, but then a baby arrives and the woman smiles again. Once again war returns and Miss Simonova throws the sand into chaos from which a young woman’s face appears. She quickly becomes an old widow, her face wrinkled and sad, before the image turns into a monument to an Unknown Soldier.
This outdoor scene becomes framed by a window as if the viewer is looking out on the monument from within a house.
In the final scene, a mother and child appear inside and a man standing outside, with his hands pressed against the glass, saying goodbye.
The Great Patriotic War, as it is called in Ukraine , resulted in one in four of the population being killed with eight to 11 million deaths out of a population of 42 million.
Kseniya Simonova says: "I find it difficult enough to create art using paper and pencils or paintbrushes, but using sand and fingers is beyond me. The art, especially when the war is used as the subject matter, even brings some audience members to tears. And there’s surely no bigger compliment."Please take time out to see this amazing piece of art.
click on this link:- http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=vOhf3OvRXKg

Pussycats and Princesses

Fun post showing off my Little Princesses and my Kitties.

Latest photo of Hailey. What a change from that 4 lb 14 oz tiny dollie we brought home 14 months ago!

Ahhhh, the 'tude!



My Mayan Princess, always makes me smile.


Abby and Tophers friend, Emily on New Years Eve


Never said Abby was normal ::grin::

And this is how she goes out all the time...with her tiara. (yes, it's true!)



Love this girl (and she loves her kitty!)



The other day, Hailey sleeps best on Rich.


In her little tutu


Um, yes, the other one in her tutu....

And now for some Kitty shots.

I have never been a real cat person. We always had them, but I preferred dogs. I have to say the 3 Musketeers have got my heart. They are the best cats!!

My Patchy, such a love bug, but quite the acrobat! (No worries, no harm done to kittty in this pic ;))

Jesse. My beautiful boy, very affectionate but oh so mischievous!

The 3 lounging in their condo. umdrop the Princess (or QUEEN) right on top, Jesse in his favorite bedroom and Patchy in his favorite room on bottom.

Patchy, again. I can't sit down without him getting on my lap, if I take him off to work on my laptop, he gets ON my laptop so I have no chocie but to pay attention to him! LOL

Gumdrop, the only girl. She is the queen and she knows it. She sits on the step in front of the door and greets everyone. Total sweetheart of a cat!!

Commiserate

com⋅mis⋅er⋅ate 
–verb (used with object)
1.
to feel or express sorrow or sympathy for; empathize with; pity.
–verb (used without object)
2.
to sympathize

Aside from the recent deaths and devastation I have seen (and experienced), my friend is suffering from lung cancer. Another friend has Hodgkins, like I did, but she has never fully went into remission in the 3 years she has been battling this disease and has to live with the fact that her time here is limited.

Another friend, who lives around the corner, lost her husband to heart disease 2 days ago. She has 5 children.

Seems like all around there are major health issues everywhere. Today Rich and I discussed how lucky we are (yet again). He could have easily been left with our children to raise without me, or vice versa, I could have lost him. Cancer and heart disease are the leading causes of death, but somehow we were spared.

I shudder at those thoughts and am spending the day thanking God yet again. Yet, my heart is heavy for all the sorrow sorrounding us these days.

Prayers for all those in need....

Yesterdays post

For those who read yesterdays post (that went "poof", I love blogger!) I was in a pretty dark and sad place. There were a few things truly getting to me. I assure you I am FINE and that is a rare occurance, thankfully.

PLEASE check our blog for information. There is a new post.

I am looking for someone to transform that blog to make it pretty. I just do not have the time! If anyone can do this, please EM me.

Have a busy weekend ahead.
Please continue to pray for Trina and her family. Her end is near and they need much peace and comfort.
God bless.

Cancer, cancer, everywhere...

I must give a huge sigh when saying the word. As most of you know, my family has been touched by cancer very often, the latest victim being my stepdad just 6 weeks ago.
Most also know Trina, who is battling stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Her liver is fully infected now and she truly needs all the prayers everyone can muster up. Just yesterday I put my Christmas cards away and read the one she sent me, which made me smile but yet sad at the same time. I pray God grants her the miracle she so needs.

Today I went to go visit a dear friend of mine who is battling lung cancer. K lives down my street and is an old close friend. She helped me tremendously against my own cancer battle. This time it is her having to go through chemo and surgery. As sick and weak as she feels, she took the same attitude as I did, no negativity allowed. She feels this is a bridge from her old life to her new one. This is a blessing in disguise with a bitter outside but amazing inside. An insight to heaven. I absolutely LOVE being around K and feel like we are soul mates in a way.

As much as cancer sucks and as much as I hate it, it is true...my life has changed so much since my battle, every day is such a gift, 24 hours more that God gave me to do good. But still, having to battle it is one of the hardest things one must go through, and prayers truly envelop a persons soul...

Please pray for Trina and my friend K. May we all spend every waking moment grateful to have each other and be able to feel joy.

Overwhelmed by need

I don't want to sound like I am complaining, because that could not be farther from the truth. I love that I am helping others, it is enriching my life so much. However, it is overwhelming. When you get EM asking for help, because of illness, parents asking for anything due to getting fired, people with disabilities getting no help, single moms crying because they have no food at all for their kids...you can't help but walk away with a hurting heart and a sick stomach. You wonder how you got so lucky and why they have to go through this darkness. No matter how much you do, it never seems like enough. With every "wish" I fill, there are 5 more in my EM box the same day.

Have you bought a cup of coffee this week? A bagel? Have you filled your prescriptions? Gone to the Dr because you are sick? Have you bought yourself something frivolous for $10? Gone to the grocery store and decided you are having something other than pasta? Paid a utility bill?
Then you are lucky. I am finding more than 50% of people cannot do that these days. They go to their pantry and it is bare. They want to buy their kids a treat but cannot. They go without juice because it is too expensive, so they have tap water instead. Or, they wonder if this is the month they are going to lose thier home.
It is overwhelming.

Please God, help me continue helping others. Please God, pave the way for them to lift themselves up, dust themselves off day after day, and find the strength to try again. Please God, let me help just one person today, for that one person may help someone else one day...

Experience with disrupted adoption...

Well, not exactly a child adoption...a kitty adoption.

The good news : Our family grew by 12 new paws....Yes, we added 3 kitties to our already full house.

But, before our terrific 3 Musketeers came to our home, we took in one of my friends cats. Unfortunately, the fit was not right at all and we had to return him. We did try, but even with isolating him and trying to be very quiet, the cat did not like the kids and was not adjusting. He also was not neutered and was spraying everywhere. We kind of knew it would be hard, as the cat was used to only being in a sunroom with two other cats and has never been around kids before. I was torn, as I thought if we tried and tried and gave it alot of time (like a few months) it might work, but it really did not feel right from the beginning. Thankfully my friend completely understood and Stinky went back to his family. I know we did the right thing, but it was still hard "disrupting" the adoption. I have been told by the pet adoption people that I am way overthinking it, LOL!!

As fior our new famiily members, as I said, we have 3 new kitties. They are all between 6-7 months. We only took 3 out of our 8 kids with us to pick them out. We went to adopt 1, but suckers that we are, could not tear these 3 apart, as they had all been fostered together. Plus, each of the 3 attached itself to each of the 3 kids we brought and the decision was made for us!

Without further ado..I introduce our 3 new babies. Gumdrop, Patches (the Pirate) and Jesse.

Patches The Pirate, better known as Patchy. Patchy came right up to Aidan and sat near him. It was love at first sight (and I fell in love with Patchy the second I saw him too :) ) Patches has one eye, is the snuggliest, sweetest little lap cat. He is just like Aidan, likes to stay in bed late, likes to be snuggled and loves his back scratched.






Gumdrop, the only girl, is very petite. Timmy could not help but fall in love with Gumdrop, as Gummie rubbed up right on Timmy the second he walked in. Timmy could not walk around without her following him. Also very sweet and quiet, likes to sit on our first step, watching the door. She is tiny friendly watchcat!
The girls :)

(Seriously, Timmy fell asleep on the step with his Gummie)



Jesse, the independant one. Very apropo that Abby insisted we take him home. He and Abby could be twins. They are both mischievous, wild, klutzy and both have to eat all the food off everyone elses plates!! Jesse LOVES to play, the harder the better! A totally fun kitty!

Aidan and Timmy with their cats

All 3 kids with each otheir cats, sleeping, on my bed. This was the first night, the cats completely made themselves at home! They are the perfect cats for us!!


A common site these days...

Happy New Year!!!

I sincerely hope everyone had a wonderful NYE and more importantly has the best year of their lives in 2010!!

We have launched our new blog: www.1smallwish.blogspot.com . Please visit us and help us make wishes come true!!!

God bless!!!

One Small Wish!

In the few last days of 2009, I am proud to say that my friend Christie and I have decided to make 2010 better (and more busier) by creating our own little charity foundation named One Small Wish. It is for NJ families that need help with food, clothing, essentials, items for kids, etc.
We already have a facebook page (named One Small Wish) and a blog will be coming soon with details.

I want to wish everyone a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! May this New Year bring wishes come true, dreams fulfilled, lots of health and please...help others around you, it truly brings life full circle :)
God bless!

Changed

We all have those times in our lives where we have been through something that triggers a change in your soul, your inner being. You know it is something big, something like the "big bang".
I thought my experience in Guatemala changed my views, I was never prepared for what I would experience right here in my own backyard.
We all know the poor exist. I grew up in NY, homeless people are a staple there. I gave food here, a few dollars there....I was lucky enough to never see kids living in the streets, but I knew they existed.
We adopted families for Christmas for many years, I would bring them a few toys and a nice dinner.
And then, this year, I tapped into something so heartbreaking, so sad, that I cannot turn a blind eye.

In the midst of my own holiday craziness..the decorating, the shopping, the baking and the planning...I had an extra dollhouse. My daughters did not need 2, so I wanted to give it away. I put an ad out for it and I started getting EM from parents who needed some help.
Well, ironically enough, the dollhouse still lives here, waiting for a home, BUT I managed to help 4 families in the meantime. The first was a woman with a 9 yr old son, who I really connected with. After that experience I knew I had to do more, so I reached out to my friends for a few donations. Little did I know, my house would turn into the North Pole. I literally had wall to wall toys, clothes and food. we managed to make Christmas for a family of 7, a family of 5 and a family of 4.

Eventually I had to put the extras in a big pile and put it on the side so that I could give my own family a holiday dinner and their own goodies.

Amidst our happiness, tons of wrapping paper strewn everywhere and smiles everywhere, I still felt lost. Or maybe that was guilt. Watching my kids with all their toys and expensive gadgets, I could not help but think about the kids who got nothing. My own ears are flashing new diamond earrings, I have 3 massages ready for me to relax with and a pair of "Ugg" boots, while other moms cry about how they will feed their hungry children. Their kids have no boots at all.

My friend Christie and I have plans to continue this charity work. Not sure where I will put it all and how we will work around our young children, but we cannot forget.

I do have pictures to post but my time is limited these days. i do hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and all have a VERY happy new year! For those who helped and who are still waiting to send donations, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are all silent angels waiting to make a change in the world.

Please hug your loved ones and thank God for all you have. We are truly all very lucky.

Indescribable

After 2 days of wrapping and sorting and packing more donations than I could POSSIBLY imagine, this morning I went into panic mode. I forgot stuffing for my own dinner and I was not sure how I would feed the kids breakfast and make it out the door on time. Just about 7 AM, the phone rings and it was an elf called Tracy. She asked if she could bring my family breakfast and help me sort or so whatever I needed. I gladly accepted!
We had delicious bagels and she even brought champagne for tonight and crackers with cheese to keep my family busy while waiting for our (late) dinner!!
I was lucky enough to be able to change and eat. We were still getting donations up until the time we got home! (and we got even more while we were out!)
Anyway, we got to A's home town and the "warning" I got from A about where she lived was pretty much on target. The motel should be condemned. There were 2 sides. 1 was burned down and boarded up. The other (where she lives) was well...icky.
When she came down I thought she was younger than 19, she looks like a child. We hugged and she looked me in the eyes and said "You have no idea what you did for us". I tried very hard not to cry and told her she did more for ME than I did for her. I told her of all the wonderful friends that came out the last couple of days to help her family. Then her 14 yr old son Anthony came down. Pants up to his shins, no shoes, hair soaking wet. He ran up to me and hugged me and said "thank you". He is 13 (almost 14) and he is TINY. They are both so mature and both thanked us so many times. While her and I chatted a bit, Rich and her son took the TONS AND TONS of bags upstairs. She told me a bit of her history which I will share later. It is truly unbelievable.
I showed her the bags of presents (all wrapped) and the bags of clothes, then the boxes of food. She just kept saying "Wow" and "OMG". Then I showed her a toaster oven. This toaster oven has seen better days, it has duct tape holding it together and she excitedly said that her friend said she should really get one, she said it would help her cook. The I took out my old crock pot and she said "my mom had one of these, she would put food in it in the morning and then it would be done at night! That's so cool" (at this point, I could not look at her, as I had tears down my face. Broken old dirty appliances and this girl was SO excited.)
Finally I took out a box with gift cards and money. When she saw them, she had tears down her face and said "You have no idea..." and couldn't finish. I continued to tell her she was my hero. I mean it, she truly is. I am in awe of this young woman.
By then, Rich was almost done, so I helped bring the rest of the stuff upstairs. This is where I can easily go speechless, but will try to tell what i saw in detail. She lives in a 1 room disgusting apartment. There are 3 mattresses on the floor with no sheets. Her fridge is tiny, her microwave is small, the bathroom is the size of a closet. Her home is the size of my living room. There are 7 people living in there. She has no washer/dryer, so she washes things by hand and hangs it on a small drying rack. There is no room to walk. There is no sink to wash dishes, so they do it in the shower. There is NO hot water. NONE.
When I went to Guatemala, I was dumbfounded by the horrible conditions people lived in. Well, right in our own backyard there is WORSE. At least in Guatemala they had stoves to cook. She does not.
I. am. sick. She has to cook in the toaster and crock pot ON THE FLOOR OF THE BATHROOM.
And is she upset? Is she down? No, she is smiling and said that she has to live like this because keeping her family together is what her dying moms wish was. ()
She works a fill time job at night (I thought for some reason she worked in a restaurant, she doesn't, she dispatches for a medical place). Anyway, the older siblings take care of the younger babies at night while she works. She also gets social security because her mom died. She is on food stamps and section 8 told her they would find her housing (PLEASE PRAY that this happens!!!)
Not crying yet? OK, let me tell you her history...as a child, at one point (not sure why) but DYFS put her in a foster home for a short time. She then went back home to her mom and all was fine, till she got pregnant at 16. The same year her step dad died (drunk driver hit him). The next year her mom was diagnosed with cancer. Her mom fought, but succumbed this last year. Ashley promised her she would keep the kids together. She swore DYFS will never separate them.
Her bio father lives in another state and is married to a woman who refuses to take these kids in, which is a good thing, because her son RAPED A GIRL (this is A's stepbrother). A said to me (and these are her words) "Even if someone gave me a million dollars, I would not let my siblings move in with him".
She said she will do anything and everything to keep them all together. And she is.
Needless to say, we drove out of there in silence. Pure utter horrible silence.
Until my kids insisted they had to pee and needed food NOW. We went to McD's and then decided to head BACK to her house to give her lunch too. When I got there with a big smile she showed me that she was taking all the clothes out and putting them in piles for each kid.



When we came home, another family came. A father (who needs a cane to walk) and his son picked up food and stuff for his 17 yr old son, 18 yr old daughter and 9 yr old grandson. He cried when I gave him stuff and cried again when he saw the boxes of food I was sending him home with. I told him to EM me (he has no phone) to pick up more clothes after I sort them out for him. I want to give them more food and gift cards. He is SUCH a sweetie, but truly ran into bad luck.

Anyway, there it is folks. We had another family pick up toys and I have one more I am expecting. Problem is, I have to clear my room of toys because we will eventually have to eat!!! LOL!!!!

My friends helped me pull this off, I will forever be grateful.

If anyone has more clothes or anything else, please let me know. I will be seeing these families again and helping more if I can.

Going to try and clear stuff out and getting my home ready for the holdidays.
This was HANDS DOWN the BEST Christmas EVER.
Merry Christmas my dear friends. May God bless you all!!

Beautiful elves

I recently blogged about a little boy we bought gifts for. His momma is doing the best she can, but she has no home and they truly don't have much at all. I worry about her daily ever since I met her.
Since then I have given extra toys to some donations. The thought of kids going without makes me ill.
Then today I was put in contact with a 19 yr old young woman who is raising 6 children.
Yes, you read right.
She is 19, has 3 yr old twins and a 1 month old baby of her own.
Her father died 3 years ago and her mother died more recently of breast (and liver) cancer.
She did what she had to do and took her 3 siblings and is trying to raise them on her salary.
She has a 16 year old sister, 14 yr old brother, 11 yr old sister, 3 yr old twins and her 1 month old.
Astounded? I am. Absolutely flabberghasted.
Ashley works full time but is afraid she is losing her job soon. Right now they live in an extended motel. Her kids have no extras, they are growing out of their clothes and are lean on food.

What is a girl like me to do? Ignore this? Um, NO, I do not think so. I just can't turn a blind eye.
It can take a blink of an eye and all our beautiful "things" are gone. Just like that!
So, I decided I was going to "adopt" this family. With Christmas 2 days away and her living about an hour away, I EM friends and put it on my facebook and I got an overwhelming reply. If I get half of the stuff promised, I am not sure I have room in my truck!
My own elves. My beautiful, generous, wonderful "elf" friends!!!!

Here are details on the children:
16 yr old girl juniors large or xl size 13/14 jeans size 7 1/2 shoe
14 yr old boy size s/m 8/10 in boys size 8 shoe in boys
11 yr old girl size small is juniors or a large in girls size 5 kids shoe
3 yr old girl size 5t shoe size 7 toddler
3 yr old boy 4t/5t size 6 toddler shoe
1.5 mos old girl 0-3 mos size 1 shoe

Ashley (the mom) is 19, has not asked for anything. I am sending a ham for Christmas dinner. She does NOT have a stove but has a rotisserie. I am bringing her a slow cooker, I might even buy her a toaster oven...

If anyone else wants to donate, EM me at SA 3 @ aol.com (no spaces)

God bless!!!!!!!

It's the most wonderful time of the year....

Fridge full of food, kids all excited, tree decorated, gifts wrapped and ready to be ripped open...
Sound like your house? Isn't life fun?!
Unfortunately, it is not like this for everyone. There are way too many people who are having a hard time and their kids won't be waking to presents. No turkey waiting to be stuffed and eaten. No extra money for stocking stuffers.
If we all "paid it forward" for just one child, we could make this country just a tad happier...
Would you...could you...?
How about spreading a little cheer?
I know most of my readers comment on facebook, so I will post this there too...
I have already found a special little boy I am going to be helping. I am excited to go shopping for him tomorrow, very happy his Mama will allow me to do so :)

If you don't know how to find someone, let me know, I will tell you where to look. We still have time!!!! We can do this! Post here or on my facebook and I just might make one of my old contests. ALL you have to do is find someone to help, just one gift for someone.
That's it.
Are you up for the challenge??
;)

So emotional

Yesterday was one of the more emotional days I have had. Every sight, every smell, brought memories with it.
My mom asked me to come with her to go do the first official thing after my stepdads passing.... Switching her deceased husbands social security. The first time she had to officially call herself a "widow".
Getting off the train into to the city, the first thing I was faced with was the Salvation Army ringing their bells. But this time, they were singing too. Since when do the SA have singers (and great ones too!) Hmmm, how things change. Then I decided to walk down 34th street, passing the beautiful Macy's with it's great decorated windows. I felt the wonderful spirit I always loved, but at the same time felt much guilt that I have not taken my kids to see much of anything this year, as i have been so busy. (Lovely mother-guilt). Walking a bit more, I encountered a homeless man. When I lived and woked in the city this was a normal sight, but you forget the despair on their faces. As usual, I gave each homeless person $1 as I always have. You never know what put them in this position, and it always gets me in the gut....Getting closer to my moms home, I spotted the Guatemalan embassy. Ah, the incredible memories flooded over me. I spent alot of time there while waiting for my precious Abigayle to come home. The BEST birthday I ever had (my 40th) consisited of a visit there with Rich. My mom and I had spent quite a few days there too. Such happy times for my family. My mom and stepdad were there for me every step of my adoption journey. Every time I pass the embassy, I want to go in there and hug an official, this time was no different. A happy moment in a sad day.
Next stop, pick Mom up and get to SS office. To say she was a mess is an understatement. I can't imagine having to do what she did...hand over your marraige certificate and then your husbands death certificate. I was glad I was there, she was in no shape to do it herself. :( Seems I was in tears every other minute too. It is so hard seeing her grieve. Truly sometimes life does not seem fair.
Moving on...after a few stops we ended at my parents favorite restaurant. My mom did not want to go in alone, so we decided to eat there. It is truly sinking in that mom is alone. We got the usual condolensces and did manage to eat a tad in between tears. We shared some wonderful memories, managing a few laughs but mostly tears.
In all, it was just a very somber day. I am so grateful that my schedule allowed me to be of support. If I had one wish right now, it would be to take my moms pain away.....Sigh.
After coming home and being overwhelmed by the mess in my house, I just wanted to go to bed to have a good cry. Instead, I found a box that came in the mail. Wondering what it could possibly be (my shopping is all done?!), I was SHOCKED to find a box of meats and cheese. My kids school's PTO sent us a gift of condolensce. That is all I needed to lose it. As I get older, I realize how important my friends are in my life. They have been there for me every step of the way and I am so lucky to have these people in my life, they are my extended family.
Finally...a little prayer for my very long time BFF Barb, who is having a hard time with her son. PS Barb- I tried to call you back last night, but I bet you were sleeping. We'll talk tonight. I love you and hang in there.
Hug those you love a bit tighter today. Tell them you love them and how special they are to you. You just never know when it might be the last time....

Here, there, everywhere..

8 days since I have written so this post will be choppy and all over the place!
Since my stepdad died there has been services and shivah for my mom and then bringing her back here so she can get away for a bit before she has to face reality without her beloved one.

Then there was my toothache that had been increasing for weeks, till finally it got to a critical point...that meant root canal for me. Not a good time to be spending $1400 on one tooth. Ouch on the pain and the cost!

Good news....Our state homestudy is over. The SW was *wonderful* spending over 3 1/2 hours in our home! She interviewed everyone and if I have not said it before (like a million times), I am SO proud of my kids. They all told her they would love more siblings, my son Chris saying he would take care of him or her (or them!) He went on how he would teach the child right from wrong and help raise him to be a good person, like he does with his siblings. They all said such wonderful things about Rich and I too (and I didn't even have to pay them! ::giggle::) Even little Aidan who can be very shy and not so receptive was so talkative and friendly, it was so cute!
The SW said she would have the report ready by Christmas, but honestly I am in no rush, it will be done in its own time. She did say that since we already have 5 kids under 18, they usually allow only one placement, however, because we have so much bedroom space they would probably OK 3 more kids with a space waiver. (And no, we are not planning on 3 more kids, but it was nice to know). We are open to race, gender and age...foster or adopt, emergency placements or permanent. Following Gods plan and trusting in what he has in store for my family.
I am excited. :)
Now we will work on our private HS. I have been putting that off. We did all the clearances but now have to do the 1 interview. That is a piece of cake for us as we know the SW well. We are doing this update because we want to be ready if a private situation comes up and we need it.

Dads services were beautiful. The best part was that while it was sad and there were lots of tears there was also lots of laughter. You had to know my stepdad to understand...he was quite unique. My son Chris stood up to eulogize his grandfather. I was so proud of him and I still am getting EM and calls about how well spoken he is and how wonderful he is. I already know that.
My mother is doing OK. Of course she goes back and forth being fine one minute and crying the next. She is grieving normally. I worry constantly about her, but am going ot try and step back to let her live her own life. I will be there for her when she needs me, as she has been there for me. We actually have been working on opening our own website for a few years, but due to illnesses had to put it off. Now is the perfect time for both of us, so we have been making lots of plans for that!

Then there was the holiday workshoppe in school. I volunteered all day and it was so good for my soul! Seeing all the kids smiling faces and being surrounded by friends and laughter. We even had the 5th grade sing on the stage so we had live holiday music! How fun! I love volunteering and espeically when my kids come to see me to hug me during the day because they know I am there. Priceless.

Lately, I have been observing my children alot. I have to say, I think they are the BEST. I can honestly say, I am so proud of them and wonder how I got so many good ones!! They are in no way perfect, of course, but wow, I am so impressed with all of them. Everywhere we go we get compliments on their behavior and how sweet and loving they are. Guess I have been counting my blessings so much lately.
I wonder how I got so lucky? I have the best kids, a fabulous husband who I would not trade for anyone in the world and the best of friends.
They say you are lucky to have a handful of close friends. I have way more than that and 2 really best friends, Barbara and Vicki. The type of friends you can say anything to and not have to think if you are offending them or saying the wrong thing. No drama, no back stabbing, no judgements or fights. Just love and acceptance. Funny how sometimes you take these things for granted, or you think someone is your "friend" but they are not. Cancer taught me that, and life continues to show me how lucky I really am. (And Barb- if you are reading this, you have made my last 18 years that much brighter and funnier, especially when i am laughing at with you. )

So there is my mish mosh of happenings in my life. Long and boring but oh-so-good!!!!

God bless and have a happy holiday season!!

Passing on.

Yesterday, Dec 2, at 3:05 AM, after 3 years of fighting cancer, my stepfather, Mike Gartner, passed on from this life.
Mike was a great person, an amazing husband, good father and really great grandfather. He was accepting and supportive. The only grandfather my kids had and the only father I had (my 4th, believe it or not...). My parents love affair only lasted 8 years but it was enough love to last a lifetime. A true fairy tale for both of them.

3 years ago, Mike was diagnosed with prostate cancer and unfortunately it spread to many places and organs. They gave him 3-6 months. He was a walking miracle lasting so long!
Unfortunately the last year was not a good one, and the last few months were full of pain and hopelessness. A few weeks ago it was apparent that it was the end and so my mom took him home, never to leave his side, right up to the end.

Thankfully she had hospice there with her, I have to say they are a Godsend. True angels on this earth!

The moment that Mike passed on, they all heard music wafting from my mothers bedroom. It only lasted a moment, but that moment will stay with them forever.

I am so happy I got to spend time with him before the end. The day before he died, he was unresponsive. He could not see or talk, but yet when I came to him and told him I was there, he reached out for me and kissed me 5 times!! This was the most strength he had showed in days. After that, he went back to being immobile and not really "there" anymore. That moment will last for ME forever. He loved me and knew I loved him.

And so, with that I want to say "Dad, you have changed all our lives. I hope you have your hiking boots and your gardening tools and you are having fun flying with the angels. Please take care of mommy, I know you will! Till we meet again...thank you for loving Mommy, myself and the kids"

Services are tomorrow.

PLEASE take the time to tell your loved ones not only that you love them but to thank them.

The Best
God saw you getting tired
And a cure was not to be.
So He put His arms around you
And He whispered “Come to Me”
With tearful eyes we watched you.
We watched you fade away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard-working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He chose to take the best.
It’s lonesome here without you
We miss you more each day.
Life doesn’t seem the same
Since you have gone away.
When days are sad and lonely
And everything goes wrong,
We seem to hear you whisper“Cheer Up and Carry On”

Thanksgiving, subdued...

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, heck, it is my favorite day all year. I just love the feelings, the smells, the family, the good food, I even love cooking it all.
This year, as always, I have SO much to be thankful for. My children, my husband, my family, my health. I do not take any of it for granted, ever! I marvel at how lucky I am!!
Unfortunately, this year we also have much sadness around us. My family is about to lose a vital member. My stepdad is home, after a long fight with cancer, waiting for his physical body to leave us. We know he is going somewhere beautiful, somewhere serene, but his imminent death is so very sad for us all, especially my mom. They were sorely missed last night and it put a bit of a damper on our spirits. We spoke to them right before dinner and one of my children got so upset, we were not able to start eating for quite some time.

As in my normal fashion, I will list all I am thankful for, but I will start by praying for an easy passing over for my stepfather, Mike.

I am most thankful for my children. John, Jackie, Chris, DJ, Tim, Aidan, Abby and Hailey. I love them all so much and I cannot imagine how empty my life would be without them. They are my dream come true! My husband, Rich, who is truly my partner in good and bad. My extended family, especially my parents, my brother and his family, who gave me my dream of an extra large family full of love and craziness! My many friends, in real life and on the internet. My life feels so full of love and support. The fact that I was able to experience being a biological mother and an adoptive one. That I will be able to have more children thorugh the beauty of adoption. I am so thankful for my HAIR! I am thankful that my stepfather lived all this time when they said he would not. I am thankful that Guatemala will be reopening and that more chidlren will come home. I am thankful I am able to have a roof over my head and food on my table. I am thankful that I am ALIVE, well and CANCER FREE! So very thankful I can see the beauty of the world and hear the "I love you's" of my children. I am thankul for LIVE.

God bless.

Mortality

Yesterdays visit was very hard. My stepdad was not responsive at all. My mom called after I left to tell me that after I left he came to. The meds they put him on are very strong...but it was so hard seeing him like that.
I hate cancer.

Then while I was there I had the shock of my life.

In the bed next to him was a man. I barely took notice until he left the room with his IV pole dragging behind and when he came back in the room, I looked up, my heart jumped out of my body. Literally.
Have any of you had a teacher that meant the world to you? The ONE that made a difference in your life?
This was that teacher. His name is Lonny and he was my mentor. He was my teacher for biology, then physiology then finally pre-med. He also happened to be the dean of our school and he literally saved me from not being kicked out of HS (I am NOT exxagerating, if not for him, I would not have graduated).
When i realized who he was, I screamed his name and after about 2 seconds he realized who I was and I jumped into his arms and almost knocked the poor guy over. Once we hugged and were over the shock of this coincidental meeting (what are the odds??) I remembered the fact that he was there as a patient.
Turns out he has a rare type of Myeloma. He has been in treatment for 3 1/2 years and nothing seems to be working like it should. Chemo, raditaion, bone marrow transplant...and yet he stands strong and keeps fighting. (Not to mention his fabulous attitude!)
I left sick to my stomach. I ended up spending about an hour with him, keeping an eye on my step dad, of course. My mom was also thrilled to see him and they joked that they were in the same room for 3 days and had no idea they could have gossiped about me and had fun on my account.
Sigh.

I hate cancer. I hate it. This was a strong, athletic, healthy, wonderful man. A man who changed lives, who shaped so many of us. Who saved idiots like me from themselves.
An indestructable human being who is facing his mortality. A teacher who shaped kids lives for 37 years. Now he can't work due to cancer. Dammit. Dammit for all those kids who he could have kept inspiring with his teaching and guidance. Dammit for him, as he loved his work and planned on continuing it for many more years.

I hate cancer.
Just too much cancer around me yesterday.
It was a long day. Physically and emotionally. Life is so fragile, so unpredictable, and when it is thrown in your face... it hurts....we are all so vulnerable.

Please pray for Mike and Lonny. Pray for all those with cancer. Pray for strength and faith. Pray for life.

SWEET HOPE.

For those of you who are not familiar with this name, you are in for a treat.
Sweet Hope was created by a wonderful adoptive momma I have known for many years, her name is Lisa, better known as Elle. Every year at this time she turns her kitchen into a truffle bakery and goes mad on cocoa. She makes the BEST truffles and caramels. And I should know, I am a bona fide chocolate fanatic.
I have never missed an order and look forward to it every year!
Go to http://www.sweethopefoundation.org/
order some truffles, you WILL NOT be sorry. They are even more delicious than they look. I swear.
And the best part (well, except for the amazing chocolate) is that every penny goes to orphans worldwide.
For real!!
What better reason to buy chocolate??!!

At checkout, just mention my name so Lisa knows who referred you.
What are you waiting for?
Go feed an orphan and have a chocolate ;)
http://www.sweethopefoundation.org/

Dead. Dog. Tired.

C-r-a-z-y few days. We have not stopped for days. between moving John out, moving Jackie's room to John's old room. Chris's room to Jackie's, doing tons of odds and ends to make the house work and look better, over 25 loads of laundry, cleaning and taking care of kids, including Hailey, who is non stop more than ever, I can barely breath! Today we did some last minute cleaning, baked some cookies, took the girls to get our finger prints for our private homestudy, then ran home to meet the SW from DYFS to finish our state licensing.
WHEW!
We passed with flying colors, and we only have one more appointment with her on December 1st. She was really wonderful, it was a bit weird, we sat around and chit chatted like old friends...

We will still have 1 appt with our private HS but then we'll be approved to do state adoptions or our own adoptions, whatever we want, or shall I say whatever God sends our way ;)

Tomorrow I am off to the city to see my stepdad in the hospital and my mom.
Hoping to relax this weekend, I am bushed!

Another good report!

Today I had my 3 month Dr appt with my fabulous Onc. My blood tests all came out perfect and no nodes to be found. We discussed whether to do a PET scan yet (it has been 6 months since my last one) and she recommended to wait at least another 3 months. She said I look great, feel great and the risk of more radiation is higher than me having the Hodge again.
So, it's another 3 months till I get a PET scan! Woohoo!

The last 3 days we have been so busy moving the kids rooms, cleaning like crazy and basically working from dawn to dusk (Yesterday we worked for 14 hours straight!). I have done *at least* 25 loads of laundry in the last 2 days. I cannot believe it, but I have about 4 more laods, which will have to wait, I refuse to do one. more. stitch. of. clothing. Whew!!!!

Tomorrow morning we have fingerprint appointments for our update (for the private homestudy) and in the afternoon, DYFS is coming to inspect our home for the state homestudy.
It's an adoption kind of day.... :) We only have the girls tomorrow to drag to the fingerprints and hopefully they will be OK for the SW. All the others will be at schoo, so it should be fairly quiet in the house...

Tomorrow night I think I am going to collapse in bed and not move for at least 8 hours!

Thank you for your kind words the other day. The beautiful thing about life is that it goes on and it always gets better, even when you are down and out. I am very thankful for all my blessings.

The sun is shining, yet my heart is heavy.

I feel like the world is on my shoulders.

First and formost is my stepdads health. He has been fighting cancer for almost 3 years. While he has defied the odds and lived this long, things have taken a turn for the worse. Prayers for comfort, guidance and peace would be very much appreciated for him and my mom.

Second, my firstborn son, Jonathan, just moved out. It is 3 months shy of his 24th birthday, so yes, it was time, but it is still hard. I am so happy for him, I feel I have done right by him and he will always be my first baby, but a part of me is leaving with him. I am so sad inside. Happy and excited, but very torn.

Third, some women that I have been friends with for 15 years are fighting. It is one of those fights that really can destroy friendships. I am sad. Really sad. I hope we can all get over this hump. I love them all and they are a "staple" in my life.

Fourth, a long time blogger friend is losing her foster son in 2 days. She has had him for 16 months and this birthmother is TOXIC and HORRIBLE! However, the state always goes for reunification and he is going back. I have no doubt he will be back in FC again. But, in the meantime he has to live with a very incompetant person. I am sick for my friend and mighty worried about her son, who is the real victim in all this. This foster care business is NOT fun and can be very painful.

We also have a very busy week here, we have DYFS coming out in a few days to inspect our home and lots of moving around with the kids rooms by then. It's all good, but is a bit overwhelming right now.
Too many emotions and a bit hard to deal with it all.

Perhaps later I will be able to give it over so I won't feel so "heavy". Right now I feel like a ton of bricks.
Sigh.

Turning 1 is a big deal!

Little Princess turned 1 today! I cannot believe it has already been a year. Wow.
Lots of pics on my facebook coming, but here is 1 just for my blog readers...
How's that for a pretty princess?
Happy Birthday Haileygirl!! It's been a great year :)

A year ago last year...

I got my last chemo treatment.





These were taken yesterday:

Seriously? LIFE IS GOOD!!

The sky's the limit! ;)

Feeling way better. I am actually looking human again.

People have asked, so I thought I would give a blanket answer here...Hailey is doing great and our visits are great (about 3 days a week). I can't talk about the situation much. Going back to court next week (yes, already!)

As far as us, we are doing good. We are a very close knit family with lots of love and support. We also have alot of faith that what is meant to be, will be. God is in control, so we can only follow "the plan".

As you all know by now, we are at the tail end of getting approved to be certified by the state as foster/adopt home. We have also decided to update our private homestudy because you just never know.... ;) So we have 2 homestudies going at once. I joked that we should get HS frequent flyer miles!!

Have a great Halloween everyone! Will post pics on facebook after we take everyones candy trick or treat.

Adios!

Blech

Been sick with sinus infection, respiratory infection and 2 beautiful pink eyes.
On the mend, but it has not been fun!

I put more clothes on my blog. Girls, boys, all sizes from newborn to size 16.
10% off everything :)

http://newtoyouclothes.blogspot.com/

Off to bed to try to mend.